Choices
My apologies for my absence from the site. I recently lost a loved one and it’s taken some time to put things in order and get things straight. But now I get to come back to you the loyal reader – a bit older, but a touch wiser I think. I’ve had time to think about things to evaluate moments past and comments made by strangers and family alike. One of those comments came in the form of a general conversation. The topic was one that most families go over right after a death. I’m terming it the “what if” stage. Where each person sits around and wonders “what if….” What if I had called 911 faster? What if I had been home a bit earlier? What if I had never bought them that shirt? As you can see by hour two it can get pretty starnge and a touch silly. But it does all boil down to one thing Choices.
Choices. We all make them, we all live with the ones we make. Each day we make thousands of them, some consciously most unconsciously. But the fact is they are always there. More importantly others are also making choices. Some of their choices impact us, others do not. The fact remains we need to live with their choices even if we like them or not. My family member made the choice to smoke. They made that choice for over 50 years of their life. We tried to change that choice, we tried to influence that choice but in the end, we had to accept that it was a choice they had made for themselves and it was not our place to choose for them. This was not the choice that ended their life, but it was a choice that had impacts to that end. Still, we had to accept the choices that were made.
As a leader we also make choices and those we are privileged enough to lead also make choices for themselves. Sometimes we see these choices as great decisions and steps forward. Other times we see them as mistakes and it baffles us as to why the individual would do such a thing. I guess my light bulb these past few weeks was realizing that choices are so powerful for all of us. They impact so many of us in many ways. The choices we make like to work rather then being home with loved ones. The choice to not to grow ourselves in knowledge and experience. The choice not to be open to the influence of mentors and leaders. These are things that will impact us both professionally and personally. And they will impact us for the rest of our lives.
A well wisher stated to us that the last gift my loved one had given to us was the gift of realizing our own mortality. That now as we go through things we have an awakened feeling of those around us and whom we love and why. All of this is very true, but for me it was more about the choices made and living with those choices that hit home.
For those who have read this far, I thank you. The leadership lesson in this long and probably not totally professional post is this. Lead by example and be sure of each and every choice you make. Leaders choose how they will present both good and bad news. Leaders choose how they will help someone grow and develop. Leaders choose their points of influence. Leaders make their choices count.
What would a leader do?
~ Remember family first, jobs come and go but those we hold close to our hearts are the constants with meaning.
~ Accept people for the choices they make and love them unconditionally. At time people need to choose to fail, before they can choose to succeed.
~ Understand that your choice to lead is a powerful one that will impact many.
~ See resources to help build confidence of choices here
